LAKE OF THE OZARKS, Mo. — I spent most of my biologist career on the ocean. I passed my time getting beat up by hurricanes and tropical storms and working around large fish that were pointy on the head end, and thought nothing of carving you up and eating you, given the chance.
I developed what I call the “Steve Irwin” syndrome. “This Swordfish is a cranky girl and she just tried to cut my leg off with her bill. She’s a beauty!” Now that I’m living near the Lake of the Ozarks, my thoughts still turn to fierce creatures. In my search, I came up with a couple of candidates in the Lake that, at first glance, appeared to fit the bill. Sadly for a landlocked marine biologist, but happily for swimmers, both suspects seem to have been cleared on all charges.
The alligator gar (Atractosteus spatula) has a reputation as a fierce creature. There is a whole slew of fish tales blaming this critter for attacks on humans, but very little documented and verified evidence supports the allegations. A lot of the hype can be attributed to the mouth full of sharp teeth and the uncanny resemblance to its namesake, the North American Alligator.
The alligator gar is the largest freshwater fish in North America, reaching lengths of over 10 feet and achieving weights in excess of 300 lbs. One look is enough to convince you that this is a primitive creature. In reality, inside and out, the gar is virtually a living fossil. It maintains a stomach more similar to that of sharks than of more modern fishes. It has thick, heavy scales rendering it essentially armor plated. It has a swim bladder that opens to the mouth, allowing it to “gulp” air directly from the atmosphere and survive in water with very little dissolved oxygen. And then there are the teeth. The alligator gar has a huge, elongated mouth with a double row of needle-sharp peg teeth. A. spatula most definitely has the aura of a dangerous predator from a bygone era deep in the recesses of the geologic past.
But: danger, danger, danger? It seems not. Much of the alligator gar’s fierce reputation can be traced to an unfortunate piece of Louisiana yellow journalism back in 1922. Penned by an unnamed staff writer for the New Orleans Times-Picayune, the now infamous “garticle” proclaimed "Alligator Gar More Dangeroous [sic] Than So-Called ‘Man Eater' Shark." The article went on to proclaim, falsely, that there were no confirmed cases of human fatalities by shark attack while stating many spurious claims of fatalities and mutilations at the hands (fins?) of the ‘Gator Gar. The charges leveled against this creature ranged from missing toes and feet to wholesale slaughter and consumption of innocent swimmers. The story stuck and the gar’s legend grew, but sadly it seems that the veracity of early 20th century New Orleans journalists was not far removed from that of early 21st century New Orleans politicians.
Despite the fierce appearance, the alligator gar is a fairly sedate ambush predator. It relies on stealth and camouflage. And that mouth full of teeth is designed to grab and hold prey, not to rip, tear, and take large chunks out of hapless vacationers. While the gar can provide exciting summer big game fishing for Lake anglers, it is unlikely to offer up the authentic Crocodile Hunter experience.
So, the quest for fierce creatures moves on. The alligator gar is native to Missouri waters, but what about something more exotic? What about…piranha!
Since moving to the Lake, I have heard repeated rumors of impending explosions of piranha populations—yes‚ in the Lake. I find this prospect intriguing, although unlikely. The piranha is a native of the Amazon River basin. It belongs to the subfamily Serrasalminae, which includes four genera of “true” piranha and closely related species such as the pacu (or “fruit piranha”). These fish are renowned for a mouth full of razor sharp teeth, a voracious appetite, and a habit of hunting and attacking in large schools. They are the subject of legend as well as pop culture.
Danger, danger, danger? Probably not. Although there have been confirmed reports of piranha in the Lake, they have been an exclusively summertime event. Being a South American fish, piranha do best in warm water and cannot survive in water temperatures lower than the mid-50s. Introduced fish could certainly make it through a Lake of the Ozarks summer, but they would find the winters difficult if not impossible to survive. Even near spring outflows, which have been touted as a potential winter refuge for exclusively warm water fish, they would be so lethargic that their primary role in the ecosystem would be to feed the bass.
Could they present a danger in the summer months? Again, unlikely. In order to be truly dangerous, piranha must come in large schools. Even in their native habitat, they are primarily a danger in the drier months when the rivers shrink and the fish are concentrated in smaller areas. Unless someone is dumping them into the Lake by the tanker load, achieving dangerous concentrations of piranha is a virtual impossibility.
The most likely source of these fish is aquarists who find that their prize specimen has become too large for its tank. They could also be the work of pranksters, trying to stir the pot of public fear. The best blog-quote I found about piranha in the Lake comes from an anonymous poster at Bungalow Bill’s Blog (http://bungalowbillscw.blogspot.com/2011/06/does-lake-of-ozarks-have-piranha.html):
“I think it a bit presumptuous to state they had to come from a bored aquarium enthusiasts. Maybe not to everyone, but a piranha is expensive at a pet store. I think [we] have a very sophisticated serial killer in your midst. Because this happened before in KC.”
There are problems with that theory. “Sophisticated serial killers” generally kill people. This guy, if he exists, hasn’t even managed to get anyone bit, let alone killed. Perhaps we should replace “sophisticated” with “challenged?” We may have a very special little killer on our hands, but we definitely do not need to live in fear of his biological weapon of choice.
It seems that my search for fierce creatures at the Lake has fallen flat. Good news for water enthusiasts: Lake of the Ozarks remains a safe place to take the kids swimming. If you want to talk about Bull Sharks in the Mississippi River though, that’s a different story.
